Warning!

Our guardians and protectors, the Anachronism Police Department (APD), recently took possession of their new toy…ah…public safety device. It's a slightly used 1963 NORAD Early Warning System.

Purchased using a grant from the Department of Homeland Abuse, training was provided by reading the manuals found in an old box in a corner of the control room. Perched upon downtown's Creosote Edifice, the Little Soldier Blast Them First Defensive Early Warning System went online last Thursday.

Interim APD Chief Joe Wednesday gave us just the facts. "It tells us when there's an inbound missile without our having to wait to see what blows up. Also, it makes our Red Alert drills more realistic. Now we can target a nice safe empty field instead of randomly firing our missile into the air. Those lawsuits are getting expensive."

The public is welcome to visit the APDLSBTFDEWS weekdays between 9am and 1pm. Just don't push the big red button.