Phil!

The staff at Dr. Ray Bee's Veterinary Clinic, Hospital, Morgue, and Day Spa recently had to call for reinforcements when Phil, the beloved pet of Mrs. Murray Sheboygan, caused a bit of a disruption.

"I always have them trim Phil's claws when he's in for his routine annual checkup," Mrs. Sheboygan told us. "Phil hates having his claws trimmed. My, you should see the mess when I try to do it at home!"

The problems started when the vet assistant, Elun Mosk, revved up the clinic's new 70 horse power cut-off grinder to start the nail trim. Mosk told us that the old grinder was much quieter because it was electric. Unfortunately, its sides kept falling off. They had to get something that would actually get the job done and run for more than ten minutes before having to be recharged.

I asked Mrs. Sheboygan how she came to have such a … unique pet. "Oh, you can call me Murray. A couple of years ago, our son, Fenster, brought home this little lizard he found out by the old nuclear power plant. We thought it was cute that it glowed in the dark, so we let Fenster keep him. That little bugger almost drove us into bankruptcy with the expense of all that Purina Lizard Chow! Still, we couldn't just get rid of him. You want to try telling Phil to get out?"

Fortunately, it didn't take long to defuse the situation. A few carefully placed Purina Lizard Treats calmed Phil and got him back into the examination room. With a pair of noise cancelling ear buds in Phil's ear holes, the nail trim was completed without additional fuss.

"Thank goodness," said Murray. "Now I can ride him home and start making dinner."